Lighten Up ✨

Y’all, this week has been HEAVY for me. For real. Shame triggers have been pulled, self doubt has shown up in a big way, and somewhere, somehow, I got a little bit lost in the darkness. 

Which is awesome! And difficult.

I tried a few times to write about the heaviness and muck that I’ve been sorting through but nothing was resonating. Even right now, my writing feels awkward and choppy. Thank goodness I know it isn’t about being the best writer or the most insightful person, it’s just about showing up. It’s about showing up day after day, even when it’s difficult, especially when it’s difficult, and doing my work.

So, this morning, with my sliding glass door open, cool morning air wafting into my space and over my bare feet, sunlight streaming through the trees (seriously Sacramento, could you be any more beautiful?), I am choosing to lighten upAND I’m playing hooky from class, which feels awesome 🙂

Life is just a game after all, and the world one big, beautiful playground. The games we play, and HOW we play, is entirely up to us. Sure, get dark. Be IN the darkness, SEE the darkness, but don’t get LOST in the darkness and don’t beCOME the darkness. (Speaking to myself here). 

We are here to do the best we can, to learn from those who are doing better, and to have as much fun as possible. The challenges will continue to present themselves. We can count on this. The more we stretch ourselves beyond what is comfortable, the more we reach for big dreams, purpose, passion, and fulfillment, the more we will come into contact with EVERYTHING that wants to hold us back. Go through that density, for sure, get deep into your stuff, FEEL it, SEE it, and then let that shit go

And stop caring what other people think! Seriously, this is SO huge and SO simple at the same time. As a people pleaser and a child who did well in school, this is a constant life lesson for me. I want to please and impress, I want to be liked and needed. Don’t we all? 🤦‍♀️ 

The work is to keep our heads held high no matter what. Stay true to our amazing selves, own our mistakes, and push through our self doubt. What other people think of us is none of our business (and the reality is that other people are too busy thinking about themselves to be thinking about anyone else).

Now more than ever, we have to own our stories and we have to LIGHTEN UP ✨Remember, we are HUMAN. We need to outside, to play around, to climb trees, and to jump into rivers. We must prioritize laughter and dancing, friendships, good food, making love, lots of exercise, playfulness, creativity, and adventure. Make space for JOY and trust that your life will transform in big, beautiful ways. 

Because life is amazing. There is MAGIC everywhere and if you look for it, you will find it. Buckle up, enjoy the ride, and remember to soak in as much light as you do dark. The rest will come. The rest is HERE. This journey, this GROWTH, this healing, it’s only just begun. We might as well enjoy the ride ✨

Slow Your Roll, Child

That humble pie sure is delicious. I can say this with confidence, because it’s what I had for dinner last night.

Let me fill you in. As we know, this world is a crazy, cool place. Human potential is being explored in ALL the ways, the planet is speaking and we are listening, and I’m on an amazing personal journey right now with the creation of THIS blog.

We also know that I am so excited about ALL of these things!

So, when a grand adventure presented itself to me a few days ago, I said “hell yes, let’s do this!”. For those of you who know me personally, you can attest to the fact that I love adventures and I generally move VERY QUICKLY through life. I took the first step and within 24 hours, 10 people had donated over $500 to help me. The outpouring of enthusiasm and support, both emotionally and financially, that I felt from friends and family this week was amazing. I cannot say enough how much this means to me. Y’all believed in me when I couldn’t even believe in myself. Thank you. From the entirety of my heart, THANK YOU. 

Pretty quickly, I realized that I could, in fact, do this. I could double down, work extra bartending shifts, and go on the wild ride that a year long Mastermind program with Aubrey Marcus would be. Part of that process was getting through the sludge of self-doubt that initially told me I wasn’t GOOD enough, that I didn’t deserve it (the money, the experience, the whole thing that I wanted so badly, etc.). I worked through a lot of that this week and I’m proud of myself for it.

So then, when the possibility became a reality, the question was, do I really want this? And why?

Why did I feel so nauseous and jumpy? Why was it so difficult for me to figure out what was real and what wasn’t? Why did I want to smoke cigarettes and drink gin? What the hell was going on?

So, I sat with it. I asked what belonged to me and what belonged to other people. I asked how much of the resistance I was feeling was my old, limiting thought patterns and beliefs and how much was intuition and inner knowing. After some time thinking, feeling, and chatting with my amazing friends, lovers, and family members, I slowly began to sort out what was real, for me.

And what is REAL, is that I am very excited about my life right now. I LOVE being an English Major at Sac State. I LOVE the people I am connecting with here and I am super excited about weekly dinners, monthly potlucks and game nights, carpooling to Ecstatic Dance events, and creating sacred ceremonies and women’s camping trips. 

Then there’s this blog. This teeny tiny little piece of my heart and soul that I LOVE putting out into the world.

I think I had to realized that even though I COULD do the Mastermind, that I was in fact good enough, I didn’t NEED to. I don’t need to prove my worth. What I’m doing right now, is enough. My life in Sacramento and my little blog that has 5 subscribers, it’s enough

So, at the end of the day (yesterday), I decided not to chase after this Mastermind. I don’t need it. Instead, I decided to continue believing in myself, exactly as I am, and to continue on my own path, as the independent, lovely, and BOLD woman that I am. 

Thank goodness I can laugh at myself, huh? I mean, seriously. These past two days have been a whirlwind! I took a few steps down a weird path, I learned a lot, I’m continuing on, but I’m SLOWING WAY DOWN. Which is pretty much my greatest lesson in life. It’s not all or nothing, Riah. It’s not now or never, it’s one step at a time. Keep going.

The slower I move, the faster things go.

Thank you for hanging in there with me, friends. It’s been a wild ride, that’s for sure. But stay tuned because I’m just getting started. Stick with me and I promise we will have many grand adventures. 

I’m human, I’m living, I’m learning, and all I can say is that I will do the best I can with what I know, each and every time. This is me. I’m wild and crazy and free and I make a TON of mistakes. I am owning my story 100% and I LOVE MYSELF now more than ever.

Stay wild, moon child. Never give up. You are amazing and I love you. We had some fun these past couple of days, but that chapter is over and we’re moving forward from here. And thank goddess because it’s been one hell of a week.

But hey, at least this whole thing gave me something to write about today. Right?

I’m taking the weekend off. I’m heading for the mountains, for the fresh air and the tall trees and the dirt roads. I need to return to my center. I need to breathe and refresh and ground down into this amazing planet. I’ll be back next week to finish the final four blog posts of this 30 day challenge! Hard to believe it’s been that long already. Time sure flies when you’re having fun ❤

I’m amazing. You’re amazing. And we are all doing AMAZING things. Keep it up, y’all. You’re awesome.

Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Today I need to process something. I need to process the fact that when we choose to live a bold life, a life where we play big and take actions that others wouldn’t dream of doing, we have to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.

Because that sh**, is uncomfortable.

Yesterday I did something big and bold. I asked for help funding a program that I’d like to participate in next year. It felt awesome to do so. I was going after it, expressing my heart and soul, no holds barred. No ONLY thing stopping me from doing this, the ONLY reason I wouldn’t, would be the money. I figured it was worth the shot, you just never know unless you try.

So I did.

And then…. came ALL of the rest. All of the self doubt, the limiting beliefs, and the “not good enough’s”. 

My day pretty much consisted of, “How dare I? How dare I ask for that much money? How dare I think I can just do whatever I want? Who am I to have that experience? How dare I be so bold, so audacious? Who am to think she can change the world by changing herself? Who am I to believe in myself?”

I went dark and deep, you guys. But I kept moving. I did my morning routine, I went for a long run, I packed up boxes because I am moving next week, and I kept my nose to the ground. I talked to a few good friends and I processed the hell out of what was coming up.

And I realized, that whatever happens, life goes on.

At the end of the day, whether or not I get to be a part of this particular Mastermind is completely irrelevant. It’s not about that. If it doesn’t happen, that’s ok. I’ll refund my friend’s and family’s’ money, chalk it up to a good loss, and be on my way. Just another experience, just another opportunity for growth and growth comes in many forms. 

Maybe I fall on my face. Cool, I’ll get back up. But maybe, I’ll run faster and farther than I ever have before. And the only way I will know, is if I try. Regardless of outcome, my life will continue. This isn’t the end all, be all. It’s just another day, another moment, another chance to decide what kind of person I am and what kind of life I am creating.

What matters is that I took a chance. And for that, I am so very proud of myself.

There are lessons here for me, for sure. The path never leads exactly where you think it will, but it will take you places you absolutely needed to go. The key is simply to learn from everything and to keep moving forward, even if that “forward” doesn’t look or feel like you thought it would.

We are here to play, you guys, to push against boundaries, and to explore. If you fu** up, awesome! Laugh it off and get back in the game. We learn from our “mistakes”, we get stronger every single time we try, and EVENTUALLY, when shoot for the moon, we actually land on the freaking moon. (Or maybe we just land on that star where we were supposed to be going all along.) 

I’ll end by just saying again how uncomfortable yesterday was for me. Holy moly. Even though I can recognize when I am being triggered, when limiting beliefs are revealing themselves to me, what I am facing my own internal blocks, I am still so very human and I feel the heaviness and challenges in ALL the big ways.

If you are being bold in your own life, if you are making decisions that other people don’t quite get, if you are trying new things, experimenting with what is possible, and challenging old beliefs, YOU ARE AMAZING. I honor you. That work is real.

We are here to grow. We are here to challenge the entirety of our belief systems and to create the lives that we dream of. As we move up and through into new realities, you better believe the old stuff is going to show up. It may pop up for one last hurray or it may show up again and again until we are finally ready to say goodbye to it. 

So love it up. Love that darkness. Love that density and weight. Get comfortable being uncomfortable because the magic is in the resistance. The growth is the fun part. And it’s all part of the human experience.

I applaud us. We are awesome.

Fit For Service

A few weeks ago I applied to be in a Mastermind. For those of you who don’t know what a Mastermind is, it is when a group of peers come together with the shared intention of brainstorming, education, peer accountability and support in a group setting in order to sharpen their business and personal skills. I have heard countless tutorials of their immense help from people who have participated in them.

This particular Mastermind is with a man named Aubrey Marcus. Here is a link to his website https://www.aubreymarcus.com. He is an entrepreneur, author, and podcast voice and his mission is to help people empower themselves so they are better able to create positive change in the world. I’m a HUGE fan and student of his.

I didn’t really expect to get in. Well, that’s not true. I knew I had a shot and that I at least had to try. If I didn’t get in, no big deal. Nothing lost. So why not give it a go?

I went to the website and submitted the initial application form. A week later, a woman from Aubrey’s company contacted me via email with some follow up questions. I answered them in the most honest way I could. I said “hey, this is me, this is what I’m doing, this is what I want to do, and this is how and why I want to do it”. I sent her a link to my blog, gave her my very new Instagram handle (is that the right word?), and just went for it!

Guess what, you guys? I GOT IN. Just goes to show it never hurts to try.

This Mastermind is my dream. It is a program focused on preparing people to be Fit For Service, specifically people who have a clear mission to protect people and planet, bring humanity from suffering to happiness, and to do so with love and compassion. This is why I’m here. I don’t say this to single myself out, because I do believe we are all here to do this, but I KNOW that I am here to DO THIS right now. This blog. This Mastermind. This work. The time is now, the place is right.

About five years ago I working as a server at a Country Club for the summer. One afternoon, I was sitting with the General Manager and Head of Operations because I had apparently impressed them with my work ethic and social skills. They wanted to promote me, and at one point the Head of Operations, whose name was David, asked me what I wanted to do with my life. “I’m assuming you don’t want to be a server forever”, were his exact words. “What do you want to do?”. Without a second thought, I looked him straight in the eye, and said, “I want to change the world”.

Five years later, that desire hasn’t changed. It’s grown stronger. 

The thing is, it’s expensive. I’m just going to say it. The tuition for the entire year is $10,000. I need $950 to secure my spot and I just don’t have that kind of money right now. But will this stop me? Hell no! Come hell or high water, I am charging towards my dreams. Where there’s a will there’s a way and my will right now is enormous and powerful.

So here I am, asking you to support me. I am asking with all of my heart and soul. I need a little help. I have created a space with GoFundMe where you can donate money towards my tuition. Check it out at https://www.gofundme.com/helping-riah-get-fit-for-service. If all you want to donate is a single dollar, that is awesome! Please do it. If 10,000 people each donated a dollar, that would be the coolest thing ever. What an awesome way to reach a goal!

More than your money, however, I am asking you to help spread the word. You just never know who will see this. If you feel comfortable posting this to your Facebook and/or Instagram accounts, please do it. Thank you, I love you. If not, thank you, I love you. Perhaps you have an uncle, coworker, or childhood friend who has disposable income (or knows a friend or an uncle or a coworker who has disposable income) and wants to help a young writer reach the next level within her business and herself. Send them this blog post via email or talk to them in person. You just never know who will say yes.

If you are a company and you offer sponsorships/scholarships to young bloggers, entrepreneurs, or creatives, please reach out 🙂 Let’s connect. Or if you have other fundraising ideas, my ears are open.  I would love to connect with you.

Or, if it turns out I need to work five jobs in order to make this happen. Amen, I will do it.

This world is ours to create. With each decision, we decide what happens next. Right now, I have decided that I live in a world where I am able to be a part of this experience. This is the world that I am creating. This is the world that I live in.

Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤

Now, go do great things.

Take Responsibility and Change Your Life

Something very magical happens when you take responsibility for your own life. When you understand that EVERY SINGLE THING that you are experiencing and have experienced is something that you have created. It is a reflection of you. There is no one else to blame. No one else to thank. No one to save you. YOU are in charge of your own life.

I had a crazy hard year last year. After spending a decade running ALL over the West Coast and Hawaii on a spiritual journey, on a quest of self-discovery and purpose and fulfillment, I found myself back where it all started. At my freaking parent’s house. I was so confused and angry and hopeless. I had done SO many cool things. I was SUCH a cool person. I had SO many hopes and dreams….why was I so stuck?

To be sure, my twenties were a wild ride. I did exactly what I needed to do and I did my best with what I knew. And I LOVE myself for that. And I FORGIVE myself for that. But, I also avoided my problems… for a very long time. I was afraid to look at my darkness because of what I might find.

Well, I’m over that. I’m taking responsibility for ALL of me, I am turning over all of the rocks, I am journeying into my past, into my present, into my darkest self. And what I am finding… is a HUMAN. A flawed, wounded, amazing, beautiful human. That’s it, folks.

The crazy cool thing, is that this person I am finding in the shadows, this person with ALL of the darkness and the flaws and the wounds, I LOVE THIS PERSON! She is amazing!

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Taking responsibility was the best decision I have EVER made. And, let me tell you, writing this blog has been the most liberating experience OF MY LIFE. First of all, I am doing the thing I have wanted to do for years, the thing I am called to do. I am writing. I am a writer. This is my truth. Once again, I encourage you, with all of my heart and soul, to walk your truth. That thing you’ve always wanted to do, that’s been calling to you for years? Begin it. And begin it TODAY. You will not regret it, instead, you will discover a magical world that was here for you all along ❤ 

Take off the masks, people, come out of hiding. You are safe. We are all safe to be ourselves, to be SEEN. We will love you more for your flaws, YOU will love you more for your flaws.

And that’s the second of all, I am no longer hiding. This is me, world. Take me or leave me. I DO NOT CARE. Life is too short to wear masks. Love is too short to be anyone other than me. Because I am amazing, with all of my bullsh** and all of my beauty, I am amazing. I LOVE and ACCEPT myself to the moon and back, and if you do too, awesome, let’s play. If not, be on your way, I wish you all the best.

***

Rachel Hollis is one of my greatest teachers (if you haven’t read her book “Girl, Wash Your Face” yet, I will say it again, GO READ IT) and will always offer a good kick in the butt when I need one. She says, “If you really want something, you will find a way. When you don’t really want something, you’ll find an excuse.” I mean, YES. Hell yes.

If you want something, YOU HAVE TO GO AFTER IT. No one else is going to do it. No one else cares that your relationship is stagnant, no one else cares about all the books you have written (but haven’t shown to anyone), no one else cares that you want to start a business or get in shape or write a memoir or whatever. I mean, yes, we care. Of course we do. We are your friends and earth companions and we love you. But seriously, no one else cares as much as you do! Because your life is own. So own it.

Listen to some podcasts, read some books, talk to people, educate yourself. Whatever you want to learn about right now, IT IS HERE. Everything is HERE. There are no more reasons not to be living the life that you dream of. 

Yes, it will be hard. BELIEVE ME, it will take work. It will take a lot of work. Taking off our masks and taking responsibility for our lives is difficult. But it is amazing and it is GROWTH and we humans are here to grow. We are here to align with our purpose and to have a heck of a time doing it.

So go DO IT. I’ll be seeing you along the way ❤

Free Writing Exercise 2/2

I am walking my truth as much as I know how. I am amazingly imperfect and I love that about myself. This is me, standing tall and proud, owning my body, owning my worst behavior, owning my messy journey, owning all of the things I have failed at and all of the things I do not know and haven’t yet begun to explore.

This is me telling the world that I am here, ready and willing to see the big stuff. I am actively creating my experiences and shining bright light on anything that asks to be seen. Any challenge that shows up, I’m taking it on. I am here and I am ready to do great work.

I love myself, end of story. I love myself wholly and completely because I am amazing and strong. I am forging fires in myself. I hope you are doing the same for yourself. I hope that you know that whatever you are going through, it is perfect. It is your truth. and I love you and your truth.

I feel raw and heart wide open right now. I feel more at peace with myself than I ever have. It’s not a constant feeling, but it’s a common one and it’s growing. The peace I feel with myself and with the world is growing stronger and clearer.

I love this world. I think the world we have created is beautiful and amazing. It is so full of life and energy. The more I explore the world, the more I know people, and the more I work on integration within myself, the more excited I am to be alive. I am FULL of hope. I am excited about what is coming for us and I am getting more and more excited with each day.

This is it, you guys! This world is ours to create. We have so much knowledge and creativity between all of us. We have powerful leaders who want to create massive change. We have teachers and engineers and energy masters who are offering us the tools we need to make these changes, within ourselves and within the world. Let’s use them. Let’s use the knowledge of the spiritual masters and the money makers and the physical masters, let’s listen to the people who study habits and human behaviors and emotional understanding. EVERYTHING IS HERE FOR US!

You have to step up to the plate. It’s there, it’s open, your name is being called. But ultimately, it comes down to a choice. DO YOU WANT THIS? Are you ready to make the changes? Are you willing to shift through your life, piece by piece? Examining all of the pain and hurt, shining light on the places you have kept hidden in shadow for so long? Because that’s what it’s going to take.

But it’s so worth it. You are going to feel pain anyway. You are going to feel fear and self doubt and hopelessness anyway. They are a part of the human experience. So don’t give them any more ammo. Strengthen the determination and the joy and the hope you feel, for the life you know exists within you and for the world I know we can create together.

My heart is bursting wide open. I am witnessing a huge transformation within myself and I am tapping into the energy of all the others who are transforming too. It’s everywhere. It’s unavoidable real. And it’s just getting strong. Hope on board, y’all. Join the movers and the groovers, the creators and the believers. Let’s create the most magical self and the most magical world we’ve ever seen.

 

Free Writing Exercise 1/2

A huge opportunity for growth is here, for all of us. This energy, this expansion, this shift, whatever you want to call it, it is available to any one who reaches out and takes it. It feels absolutely incredible.

Each one of our paths is completely different. What we have to remember at times of feeling loneliness or hopelessness, is that many of the things we are feeling are being felt by A LOT of other people. You are not alone. We’ve made agreements as a collective body of people.

The battery in my car died a few nights ago. I’m not sure what happened. I went to University night at the Crocker Art Museum to hear my professor do a reading of her book. When I got back to my car, my battery was dead.

I tried it a few times and knew it was done. I made some calls, sent out a bunch of texts, posted on social media, and sat down in the grass.

I found myself appreciating how warm the night was. I could have waited comfortably for hours. I also had the option of taking a Lyft home. I had my phone and wallet and I speak freaking ENGLISH. I sat there feeling very grateful for such a minor problem that could so easily be fixed.

Life was good.

Then I met Chris. His car was parked behind me and he had jumper cables. The exchange took all of 10 minutes and it happened easily. We sat on our cars, doubled parked in downtown Sacramento, cars speeding past, and talked about how changing one’s mindset will affect your whole life.

We talked about morning routines and the importance of journaling. We talked about books and podcasts. He told me his deepest fear and his greatest wish. I just felt happy. I felt happy that what I am feeling is not unique to me. I felt happy that this experience I am having is bigger than me. It’s within me, sure. There are worlds within me. But we are also in this together, if we choose to be.

Energies that are attuned to one another will intersect. Chris and I crossed paths that night for a reason, not because it was destiny or anything like that, but because we were existing on the same plane.

We are all going through this shift. The extent to which you feel is varies from person to person, I’m sure. The ways in which we are feeling it are colored by our memories, our experiences, and the journey that has gotten us here. But this opening, this energy that is flooding the planet right now, is here for all of us.

I believe that everything is happening all the time. Whatever you want to experience, what you believe in and think about, whatever you CHOOSE, that’s exactly what you are going to get. The world has unlimited opportunities – for growth, for destruction, for love and healing and authenticity, and for darkness and evil and whatever else. None of it “good” or “bad”, none of it “better” or “worse”, just experiences. Just choices.

But, if you have been feeling something different lately, don’t run from it. Run into it. Trust yourself. Don’t judge yourself for anything. You are SO beautiful and unique and amazing. The scars that you have show that you have been through something. Wear them with pride. They are the reason you are so strong today.

The darkness and addiction and pain that you feel inside of yourself, it’s OK, you are HUMAN, and humans have these feelings.. We ALL do. Some of it is our own, and that is ok. It does not make us less than whole, it does not make us unloveable.  

It is safe to be seen. It is safe to shed light on everything that you are. It is safe to turn over the rocks that have been hiding the darkness, the loneliness, the isolation, the fear, the insecurity, or whatever else for so long.

I’ve been exposing a lot of myself lately. I had no idea what committing to 30 days of blog posts was going to do for me. I’m feeling emotional as I write this because I’ve never felt so good. I am sharing my biggest failures with the world. I am talking about my struggles and my addictions and my bad habits. I am talking about my fears and my dreams and my feelings. I mean, holy shit!

THIS IS THE MOST LIBERATING EXPERIENCE I HAVE EVER HAD. Take me or leave me, I do not care.

We are here to grow into our potential. We are here to transform our world.