Take Responsibility and Change Your Life

Something very magical happens when you take responsibility for your own life. When you understand that EVERY SINGLE THING that you are experiencing and have experienced is something that you have created. It is a reflection of you. There is no one else to blame. No one else to thank. No one to save you. YOU are in charge of your own life.

I had a crazy hard year last year. After spending a decade running ALL over the West Coast and Hawaii on a spiritual journey, on a quest of self-discovery and purpose and fulfillment, I found myself back where it all started. At my freaking parent’s house. I was so confused and angry and hopeless. I had done SO many cool things. I was SUCH a cool person. I had SO many hopes and dreams….why was I so stuck?

To be sure, my twenties were a wild ride. I did exactly what I needed to do and I did my best with what I knew. And I LOVE myself for that. And I FORGIVE myself for that. But, I also avoided my problems… for a very long time. I was afraid to look at my darkness because of what I might find.

Well, I’m over that. I’m taking responsibility for ALL of me, I am turning over all of the rocks, I am journeying into my past, into my present, into my darkest self. And what I am finding… is a HUMAN. A flawed, wounded, amazing, beautiful human. That’s it, folks.

The crazy cool thing, is that this person I am finding in the shadows, this person with ALL of the darkness and the flaws and the wounds, I LOVE THIS PERSON! She is amazing!

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Taking responsibility was the best decision I have EVER made. And, let me tell you, writing this blog has been the most liberating experience OF MY LIFE. First of all, I am doing the thing I have wanted to do for years, the thing I am called to do. I am writing. I am a writer. This is my truth. Once again, I encourage you, with all of my heart and soul, to walk your truth. That thing you’ve always wanted to do, that’s been calling to you for years? Begin it. And begin it TODAY. You will not regret it, instead, you will discover a magical world that was here for you all along ❤ 

Take off the masks, people, come out of hiding. You are safe. We are all safe to be ourselves, to be SEEN. We will love you more for your flaws, YOU will love you more for your flaws.

And that’s the second of all, I am no longer hiding. This is me, world. Take me or leave me. I DO NOT CARE. Life is too short to wear masks. Love is too short to be anyone other than me. Because I am amazing, with all of my bullsh** and all of my beauty, I am amazing. I LOVE and ACCEPT myself to the moon and back, and if you do too, awesome, let’s play. If not, be on your way, I wish you all the best.

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Rachel Hollis is one of my greatest teachers (if you haven’t read her book “Girl, Wash Your Face” yet, I will say it again, GO READ IT) and will always offer a good kick in the butt when I need one. She says, “If you really want something, you will find a way. When you don’t really want something, you’ll find an excuse.” I mean, YES. Hell yes.

If you want something, YOU HAVE TO GO AFTER IT. No one else is going to do it. No one else cares that your relationship is stagnant, no one else cares about all the books you have written (but haven’t shown to anyone), no one else cares that you want to start a business or get in shape or write a memoir or whatever. I mean, yes, we care. Of course we do. We are your friends and earth companions and we love you. But seriously, no one else cares as much as you do! Because your life is own. So own it.

Listen to some podcasts, read some books, talk to people, educate yourself. Whatever you want to learn about right now, IT IS HERE. Everything is HERE. There are no more reasons not to be living the life that you dream of. 

Yes, it will be hard. BELIEVE ME, it will take work. It will take a lot of work. Taking off our masks and taking responsibility for our lives is difficult. But it is amazing and it is GROWTH and we humans are here to grow. We are here to align with our purpose and to have a heck of a time doing it.

So go DO IT. I’ll be seeing you along the way ❤

Free Writing Exercise 2/2

I am walking my truth as much as I know how. I am amazingly imperfect and I love that about myself. This is me, standing tall and proud, owning my body, owning my worst behavior, owning my messy journey, owning all of the things I have failed at and all of the things I do not know and haven’t yet begun to explore.

This is me telling the world that I am here, ready and willing to see the big stuff. I am actively creating my experiences and shining bright light on anything that asks to be seen. Any challenge that shows up, I’m taking it on. I am here and I am ready to do great work.

I love myself, end of story. I love myself wholly and completely because I am amazing and strong. I am forging fires in myself. I hope you are doing the same for yourself. I hope that you know that whatever you are going through, it is perfect. It is your truth. and I love you and your truth.

I feel raw and heart wide open right now. I feel more at peace with myself than I ever have. It’s not a constant feeling, but it’s a common one and it’s growing. The peace I feel with myself and with the world is growing stronger and clearer.

I love this world. I think the world we have created is beautiful and amazing. It is so full of life and energy. The more I explore the world, the more I know people, and the more I work on integration within myself, the more excited I am to be alive. I am FULL of hope. I am excited about what is coming for us and I am getting more and more excited with each day.

This is it, you guys! This world is ours to create. We have so much knowledge and creativity between all of us. We have powerful leaders who want to create massive change. We have teachers and engineers and energy masters who are offering us the tools we need to make these changes, within ourselves and within the world. Let’s use them. Let’s use the knowledge of the spiritual masters and the money makers and the physical masters, let’s listen to the people who study habits and human behaviors and emotional understanding. EVERYTHING IS HERE FOR US!

You have to step up to the plate. It’s there, it’s open, your name is being called. But ultimately, it comes down to a choice. DO YOU WANT THIS? Are you ready to make the changes? Are you willing to shift through your life, piece by piece? Examining all of the pain and hurt, shining light on the places you have kept hidden in shadow for so long? Because that’s what it’s going to take.

But it’s so worth it. You are going to feel pain anyway. You are going to feel fear and self doubt and hopelessness anyway. They are a part of the human experience. So don’t give them any more ammo. Strengthen the determination and the joy and the hope you feel, for the life you know exists within you and for the world I know we can create together.

My heart is bursting wide open. I am witnessing a huge transformation within myself and I am tapping into the energy of all the others who are transforming too. It’s everywhere. It’s unavoidable real. And it’s just getting strong. Hope on board, y’all. Join the movers and the groovers, the creators and the believers. Let’s create the most magical self and the most magical world we’ve ever seen.

 

Free Writing Exercise 1/2

A huge opportunity for growth is here, for all of us. This energy, this expansion, this shift, whatever you want to call it, it is available to any one who reaches out and takes it. It feels absolutely incredible.

Each one of our paths is completely different. What we have to remember at times of feeling loneliness or hopelessness, is that many of the things we are feeling are being felt by A LOT of other people. You are not alone. We’ve made agreements as a collective body of people.

The battery in my car died a few nights ago. I’m not sure what happened. I went to University night at the Crocker Art Museum to hear my professor do a reading of her book. When I got back to my car, my battery was dead.

I tried it a few times and knew it was done. I made some calls, sent out a bunch of texts, posted on social media, and sat down in the grass.

I found myself appreciating how warm the night was. I could have waited comfortably for hours. I also had the option of taking a Lyft home. I had my phone and wallet and I speak freaking ENGLISH. I sat there feeling very grateful for such a minor problem that could so easily be fixed.

Life was good.

Then I met Chris. His car was parked behind me and he had jumper cables. The exchange took all of 10 minutes and it happened easily. We sat on our cars, doubled parked in downtown Sacramento, cars speeding past, and talked about how changing one’s mindset will affect your whole life.

We talked about morning routines and the importance of journaling. We talked about books and podcasts. He told me his deepest fear and his greatest wish. I just felt happy. I felt happy that what I am feeling is not unique to me. I felt happy that this experience I am having is bigger than me. It’s within me, sure. There are worlds within me. But we are also in this together, if we choose to be.

Energies that are attuned to one another will intersect. Chris and I crossed paths that night for a reason, not because it was destiny or anything like that, but because we were existing on the same plane.

We are all going through this shift. The extent to which you feel is varies from person to person, I’m sure. The ways in which we are feeling it are colored by our memories, our experiences, and the journey that has gotten us here. But this opening, this energy that is flooding the planet right now, is here for all of us.

I believe that everything is happening all the time. Whatever you want to experience, what you believe in and think about, whatever you CHOOSE, that’s exactly what you are going to get. The world has unlimited opportunities – for growth, for destruction, for love and healing and authenticity, and for darkness and evil and whatever else. None of it “good” or “bad”, none of it “better” or “worse”, just experiences. Just choices.

But, if you have been feeling something different lately, don’t run from it. Run into it. Trust yourself. Don’t judge yourself for anything. You are SO beautiful and unique and amazing. The scars that you have show that you have been through something. Wear them with pride. They are the reason you are so strong today.

The darkness and addiction and pain that you feel inside of yourself, it’s OK, you are HUMAN, and humans have these feelings.. We ALL do. Some of it is our own, and that is ok. It does not make us less than whole, it does not make us unloveable.  

It is safe to be seen. It is safe to shed light on everything that you are. It is safe to turn over the rocks that have been hiding the darkness, the loneliness, the isolation, the fear, the insecurity, or whatever else for so long.

I’ve been exposing a lot of myself lately. I had no idea what committing to 30 days of blog posts was going to do for me. I’m feeling emotional as I write this because I’ve never felt so good. I am sharing my biggest failures with the world. I am talking about my struggles and my addictions and my bad habits. I am talking about my fears and my dreams and my feelings. I mean, holy shit!

THIS IS THE MOST LIBERATING EXPERIENCE I HAVE EVER HAD. Take me or leave me, I do not care.

We are here to grow into our potential. We are here to transform our world.

The Dance

We are all just doing a dance. Everyone is dancing to their own tune and timing. Sometimes our dances join together and we dance in sync for a while, and then our dances move away from one another in different directions. Sometimes you are doing a dance I’ve already done and I’m doing a dance that you’ve already done. Sometimes we dance to songs that are new and sometimes we dance the same dance we’ve been dancing for years.

All of our dances are great.

We are all shaking our shoulders and swinging our hips exactly as we should. Don’t worry if someone else’s dance doesn’t look like yours, there is no one who can dance your dance the way you can. Own your dance.

Know that there is no timeline, no one beat you to a place or an event or a feeling, no one already knows what to do, or is “ahead” of you. There is no right way to dance or wrong way to dance. We are all moving and grooving to the beat of our own lives.

I think we are moving to the beat of our planet, moving closer to her, joining our heartbeat with her heartbeat. The dances are getting stronger and the beats are growing faster. The music is loud and fast and amazing. Dance your dance like you’ve never danced before. Dance it big and free and wide open. Dance it to the moon and dance it under the stars. Dance with your arms out wide, your heart wide open, and your body free and wild.

We are pure magic. Our world is pure magic. Let that magic fill you and pour out of your heart into this big, beautiful world.

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Having All The Fun

Good morning, good morning beautiful people. Things sure have been intense lately, huh? Whether it’s because I am charging headfirst into the caves of my inner dragons, or whether it’s because that’s just the energy of the planet right now and I’m FEELING it, I’m not entirely sure. What I am sure of, however, is that regularly scheduled fun is super important.

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We need things to look forward to. At least I do. Daily life goes up and down, we experience seasons on the planet and changes within ourselves. Remembering that “this too shall pass” is always helpful when the darkness and the ick come up to the surface. ALSO important, however, is to have fun, to do the things that make you HAPPY and to do them on a regular basis.

I literally NEED to have fun things on my calendar. This goes for the big things and the small things. I love the feeling of looking forward to an event or an adventure. It’s way easier for me to stay on track in terms of healthy habits and it puts things in perspective. The little hardships that come up are easier to walk through because I know that on Thursday I have a date with a man I’ve been crushing on for weeks, or that on Monday I’m going to a movie with an old friend, or that next weekend I’m going backpacking.

Whatever you love to do, make sure you are scheduling time for it. The joy you experience will trickle up, down, around into ALL of the other areas of your life. And this is a very good thing.

I am decent at scheduling joy into my life and I am always trying to do better (that seems to be a theme here). Yoga is my jam, it’s my #1. At the moment, I am being challenged because I haven’t found a studio in Sacramento that I LOVE. What makes it even more difficult, is that the studio I’ve practiced at for YEARS, in my hometown of Auburn, is the most incredible yoga studio EVER. I’m not exaggerating. So, without the consistent joy of practicing at East Wind Yoga every day, I’m noticing how important it is for me to find joy in other places.

So, dance. I LOVE to dance! I go swing dancing every so often and I am about to dive into the ocean of Ecstatic Dance. I’ve never really done it before but it keeps popping into my mind and I’m going to listen to myself and check it out. Anyone want to join?

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Then there is TRAVEL, the ultimate opportunity for joy. I LOVE experiencing new people and places. Travel makes me feel more alive than anything else I have ever experienced. I need to have adventures often, whether it’s going an hour up the road to the mountains, two hours to the coast, taking a quick flight to Mexico, or a month+ long adventure to a foreign country. As often as I can, more and more, I travel. It is the magic key to my ultimate happiness.

Life is good. I’ve definitely got it going on and I am incredibly grateful for all of the blessings I am experiencing. But I still work on HAPPINESS on a daily basis. Five minute dance parties in my living room are fun for me. Getting dressed up for a drink with a handsome man is fun for me. Taking party magic with a great girlfriend and dancing all night long is fun for me. Waking up early and going for a hike with a great group of people is fun for me. Packing my bags for an adventure, is FUN for me. So I do these things, because if I don’t, I feel the repercussions and I get blue. 

Having fun and experiencing joy keeps our vibes positive and our energy up. Having fun gives us something to look forward to and makes all the other, icky stuff less huge (yes, less huge). Having fun also helps us remember what is really important. The more I think about it, the more I realize that having fun may just be the purpose of life 😉

Let’s Talk Habits

Oh my goodness, habits! We are habitual creatures. From the first thoughts we have in the morning, to what we eat and how we spend our free time, habits influence all of our decisions. Sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously.

I have some good habits going on right now.My morning routine is rock solid. I wake up at the same, early time every day, I take the steps I have outlined as necessary towards achieving my goals, I learn, I show up, and I interact. I exercise regularly. I go to school, attend all of my classes, do my homework, and get good grades. I work hard and when something social is happening, I go. I am definitely showing up to my own life.

HOWEVER. This is one thing that I need to work on, one area of my life that could stand for a major makeover and change of habit. And this is my evening routine.

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Let’s get down to it. At the moment I live alone (I’m actually moving over the next couple of weeks so this will change but I’m talking present moment here). Unless I am spending the day with my family, a friend, or a lover, I eat most of my meals alone and spend my evenings alone. I’ll clarify quickly that I LOVE being alone. I’m a fiercely independent introvert and this is when I charge up my batteries. If I am in a place where I’m not getting ENOUGH alone time, I’m in big trouble. But, when my batteries are charged and I’m still alone, I get lonely.

I have moved around a lot and my best friends are spread out all over the continent, a few farther still. If I had three wishes, one of them would be to scoop them all up and plop them down next to me. I know it’s a bit selfish but hey, they would adjust. I deeply wish I had that core group to laugh, talk, cook, eat, and chill with. But I don’t right now, not in Sacramento.

So, what do I do at night after a day when I’ve done ALL the things? I watch Netflix.

It’s true, I do. It is my go-to way to relax, to check out when I’m feeling tired, lonely, and/or uninspired. If this was a once in a while occurrence I wouldn’t be too concerned. But right now it’s a habit and I don’t like it at all.

Television seriously affects us, you guys. At least, it seriously affects ME. It’s addictive and hypnotic, so even if my intention is to watch a single episode of a show more often than not I watch more than one. This is the first time in the course of human evolution that we have been able to STREAM ENDLESS TELEVISION MATERIAL FROM OUR LAPTOPS. Seriously, think about that. We didn’t even HAVE television 100 years ago. It has evolved from being a few entertainment shows which were on in the evenings and encouraged families to gather TOGETHER, to Blockbuster stores where you had to drive to town and look at the movie selection before you watched. Now, it’s just a click away 100% of the time.

DAMN.

We all have our own sh** to sort through. I know a lot of people have families, children, and partners that occupy their evenings. Watching Netflix isn’t even an option for you and you might be thinking, “Girl, that isn’t a problem. I wish I had time for that”. Or, you may be ultra aware of the negative effects of television and so you don’t go near the thing. Good on you. But I guarantee that you have something. There is something you do, some way you spend your time, some thought pattern you have, something you eat when you are upset, some conversation that keeps coming up – some bad habit that could stand for a change.

We all have them. Mine just happens to be watching Netflix at night when I am alone and tired. What’s yours?

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

By golly am I ready to reclaim my nights! Yep, I just said “by golly”. Not sure why, but I did.

What will happen when I stop watching Netflix? When I free myself of my WORST HABIT? I’m thinking my mind will clear up, my creativity will flow stronger, I will READ more, sleep better, eat better, buy less, and spend those evening hours working on things that I LOVE.

I’m excited for the change. Stay tuned. Let’s see how this goes.

Simply Begin

“What you can do, or dream you can, begin it; boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

I’ll be honest with you, I’m running out of things to write about, you guys. This is day #18 of what I promised would be 30 days in a row of blog posts. The cool thing about this is that the REASONS I started this project in the first place are now a thing of the past. I am 100% comfortable letting other people read what I’ve written. I’m 100% comfortable being SEEN for the first time in my life. I’ve finally gotten out of my own way and it feels fan-freaking-tastic.

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So, I just wrote a whole other blog post about taking taking responsibility and I’ll probably use parts of it in the future, but for now I just want to say that the ONLY thing stopping you from living the life you want is YOU. Believe me, I know. Get over it. And do it now. Life is too damn short.

What has been really fun and interesting throughout this process is that what I’ve been writing about are they things I needed to learn in order to be comfortable writing. Super cool. Very unexpected.

Do I want to be a personal development blogger for the rest of my life? Probably not. That’s not what I started out to do and it’s not my mission at the moment. Am I passionate about personal development because it is a HUGE part of my life and always will be? Yes. This work is what allowed me to free myself from myself. It’s hard work. It feels weird and lonely and uncomfortable and scary. But it also feels empowering and hopeful and amazing and sexy and fun.

I didn’t set out to write about anything in particular. I just set out to break down my own walls. And that is exactly what is happening.

So, if YOU are experiencing doubt or fear or limitation in any way, check out some of the tools that are available as a way of breaking free of all that. A LOT of people are talking about this right now. It’s a hot topic and there is a reason for that! It is time to break free of our self-imposed limitations. It is time to stand in our power. It is time to create the life we’ve always dreamed of.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I am going places right now that I didn’t even know existed a few weeks ago. And this is happening because I took the first step. That’s all it is. I knew I needed to write, to get over my fear of being judged and failing, and so I began. I listened to my intuition and I charged into my own resistance and I HAVEN’T STOPPED. The consequences of that decision have been miraculous and tremendous and I cannot say enough how important it is to simply begin.

So whatever it is you need to do, BEGIN IT. Who knows where you will end up? That’s the fun part. Every day you choose where to go next and the things that will happen as a result of taking that very first step, are PURE MAGIC.