That humble pie sure is delicious. I can say this with confidence, because it’s what I had for dinner last night.
Let me fill you in. As we know, this world is a crazy, cool place. Human potential is being explored in ALL the ways, the planet is speaking and we are listening, and I’m on an amazing personal journey right now with the creation of THIS blog.
We also know that I am so excited about ALL of these things!
So, when a grand adventure presented itself to me a few days ago, I said “hell yes, let’s do this!”. For those of you who know me personally, you can attest to the fact that I love adventures and I generally move VERY QUICKLY through life. I took the first step and within 24 hours, 10 people had donated over $500 to help me. The outpouring of enthusiasm and support, both emotionally and financially, that I felt from friends and family this week was amazing. I cannot say enough how much this means to me. Y’all believed in me when I couldn’t even believe in myself. Thank you. From the entirety of my heart, THANK YOU.
Pretty quickly, I realized that I could, in fact, do this. I could double down, work extra bartending shifts, and go on the wild ride that a year long Mastermind program with Aubrey Marcus would be. Part of that process was getting through the sludge of self-doubt that initially told me I wasn’t GOOD enough, that I didn’t deserve it (the money, the experience, the whole thing that I wanted so badly, etc.). I worked through a lot of that this week and I’m proud of myself for it.
So then, when the possibility became a reality, the question was, do I really want this? And why?
Why did I feel so nauseous and jumpy? Why was it so difficult for me to figure out what was real and what wasn’t? Why did I want to smoke cigarettes and drink gin? What the hell was going on?
So, I sat with it. I asked what belonged to me and what belonged to other people. I asked how much of the resistance I was feeling was my old, limiting thought patterns and beliefs and how much was intuition and inner knowing. After some time thinking, feeling, and chatting with my amazing friends, lovers, and family members, I slowly began to sort out what was real, for me.
And what is REAL, is that I am very excited about my life right now. I LOVE being an English Major at Sac State. I LOVE the people I am connecting with here and I am super excited about weekly dinners, monthly potlucks and game nights, carpooling to Ecstatic Dance events, and creating sacred ceremonies and women’s camping trips.
Then there’s this blog. This teeny tiny little piece of my heart and soul that I LOVE putting out into the world.
I think I had to realized that even though I COULD do the Mastermind, that I was in fact good enough, I didn’t NEED to. I don’t need to prove my worth. What I’m doing right now, is enough. My life in Sacramento and my little blog that has 5 subscribers, it’s enough.
So, at the end of the day (yesterday), I decided not to chase after this Mastermind. I don’t need it. Instead, I decided to continue believing in myself, exactly as I am, and to continue on my own path, as the independent, lovely, and BOLD woman that I am.
Thank goodness I can laugh at myself, huh? I mean, seriously. These past two days have been a whirlwind! I took a few steps down a weird path, I learned a lot, I’m continuing on, but I’m SLOWING WAY DOWN. Which is pretty much my greatest lesson in life. It’s not all or nothing, Riah. It’s not now or never, it’s one step at a time. Keep going.
The slower I move, the faster things go.
Thank you for hanging in there with me, friends. It’s been a wild ride, that’s for sure. But stay tuned because I’m just getting started. Stick with me and I promise we will have many grand adventures.
I’m human, I’m living, I’m learning, and all I can say is that I will do the best I can with what I know, each and every time. This is me. I’m wild and crazy and free and I make a TON of mistakes. I am owning my story 100% and I LOVE MYSELF now more than ever.
Stay wild, moon child. Never give up. You are amazing and I love you. We had some fun these past couple of days, but that chapter is over and we’re moving forward from here. And thank goddess because it’s been one hell of a week.
But hey, at least this whole thing gave me something to write about today. Right?
I’m taking the weekend off. I’m heading for the mountains, for the fresh air and the tall trees and the dirt roads. I need to return to my center. I need to breathe and refresh and ground down into this amazing planet. I’ll be back next week to finish the final four blog posts of this 30 day challenge! Hard to believe it’s been that long already. Time sure flies when you’re having fun ❤
I’m amazing. You’re amazing. And we are all doing AMAZING things. Keep it up, y’all. You’re awesome.