Today I need to process something. I need to process the fact that when we choose to live a bold life, a life where we play big and take actions that others wouldn’t dream of doing, we have to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.
Because that sh**, is uncomfortable.
Yesterday I did something big and bold. I asked for help funding a program that I’d like to participate in next year. It felt awesome to do so. I was going after it, expressing my heart and soul, no holds barred. No ONLY thing stopping me from doing this, the ONLY reason I wouldn’t, would be the money. I figured it was worth the shot, you just never know unless you try.
So I did.
And then…. came ALL of the rest. All of the self doubt, the limiting beliefs, and the “not good enough’s”.
My day pretty much consisted of, “How dare I? How dare I ask for that much money? How dare I think I can just do whatever I want? Who am I to have that experience? How dare I be so bold, so audacious? Who am to think she can change the world by changing herself? Who am I to believe in myself?”
I went dark and deep, you guys. But I kept moving. I did my morning routine, I went for a long run, I packed up boxes because I am moving next week, and I kept my nose to the ground. I talked to a few good friends and I processed the hell out of what was coming up.
And I realized, that whatever happens, life goes on.
At the end of the day, whether or not I get to be a part of this particular Mastermind is completely irrelevant. It’s not about that. If it doesn’t happen, that’s ok. I’ll refund my friend’s and family’s’ money, chalk it up to a good loss, and be on my way. Just another experience, just another opportunity for growth and growth comes in many forms.
Maybe I fall on my face. Cool, I’ll get back up. But maybe, I’ll run faster and farther than I ever have before. And the only way I will know, is if I try. Regardless of outcome, my life will continue. This isn’t the end all, be all. It’s just another day, another moment, another chance to decide what kind of person I am and what kind of life I am creating.
What matters is that I took a chance. And for that, I am so very proud of myself.
There are lessons here for me, for sure. The path never leads exactly where you think it will, but it will take you places you absolutely needed to go. The key is simply to learn from everything and to keep moving forward, even if that “forward” doesn’t look or feel like you thought it would.
We are here to play, you guys, to push against boundaries, and to explore. If you fu** up, awesome! Laugh it off and get back in the game. We learn from our “mistakes”, we get stronger every single time we try, and EVENTUALLY, when shoot for the moon, we actually land on the freaking moon. (Or maybe we just land on that star where we were supposed to be going all along.)
I’ll end by just saying again how uncomfortable yesterday was for me. Holy moly. Even though I can recognize when I am being triggered, when limiting beliefs are revealing themselves to me, what I am facing my own internal blocks, I am still so very human and I feel the heaviness and challenges in ALL the big ways.
If you are being bold in your own life, if you are making decisions that other people don’t quite get, if you are trying new things, experimenting with what is possible, and challenging old beliefs, YOU ARE AMAZING. I honor you. That work is real.
We are here to grow. We are here to challenge the entirety of our belief systems and to create the lives that we dream of. As we move up and through into new realities, you better believe the old stuff is going to show up. It may pop up for one last hurray or it may show up again and again until we are finally ready to say goodbye to it.
So love it up. Love that darkness. Love that density and weight. Get comfortable being uncomfortable because the magic is in the resistance. The growth is the fun part. And it’s all part of the human experience.
I applaud us. We are awesome.