I turned thirty this year. And thank goodness for that because being twenty-nine was the most difficult thing I have ever done. I was grieving the loss of my youth because, let’s be honest, I thought and acted like a child a lot throughout my twenties. I was also feeling a lot of (self-imposed, familiarly imposed, culturally imposed?) pressure about what I should have been doing at that point in my life and what I should have already accomplished. In other words, I was judging myself very harshly for all of the things I have failed at, for all of the things I have not done, and for the place that I was at. It was a very dark and sad year for me.
At age twenty-nine I went back to school to get my bachelor’s degree. Yep. I am a thirty year-old undergraduate student and I will tell you honestly that it took a lot of work and introspection for me to get to the point where I feel good about this, where I am and what I am doing.
I have dropped in and out of college so many times since I was eighteen I can’t even count. It’s been an unresolved issue for me for about ten years. And now, for the very first time, I actually like college. No, I love college! AND I am excited about what I am learning, I relate to my professors as actual human beings, and I show up to each class present and open.
I’ve learned that it is important to be interested in what you are studying and also to have an end goal and a reason to get the degree (a.k.a. a reason to dedicate so much time and energy into something). That statement is probably very obvious to most of you but it took me thirty years to figure out. And you know what? That is ok. Because the timing is always perfect.
Another part to the success of my college career right now is that I am not relying on college to teach me everything! College is just one part of an education that includes:
- Interaction, conversation, and connection with other people everywhere I go
- A relationship with my body; spending time every day eating well, working out, quieting my mind, and sleeping
- Traveling – getting out of my comfort zone, discovering life’s magic, and experiencing things, people, and places that are new to me
- Seeking out teachers and information via books, audiobooks, podcasts, and blogs
All of this ties back to the “the timing is always perfect” idea because I needed to do a lot of work to get here, to this point where I can and am doing all of these things.
So, y’all. Let go of the judgement you are carrying around. Stop telling yourself that you are not enough or that you are not doing enough. You are where you are today because of the choices you have made. Each moment you have experienced, each choice you have made has led you to this very moment and for that reason, it is perfect. Don’t judge yourself so much and start seeing the awesomeness of every choice you have ever made. The timing is always perfect ❤
Now, on the other hand, if you want to be doing something else, if you feel you are wasting your life, if you have dreams you haven’t yet begun to reach for, then go for it! Seriously, do it. As my friend and teacher once said “One life. That is all we have. Amazing, then, that we are not all sprinting in the direction of our DREAMS”.
I cannot wait to share all of the teachers, books, podcasts, blogs, and material I have come across in my journey. I want to help you chase your dreams as I chase mine. Let’s do this together.
Until next time, thanks for joining me and for reading my first ever blog post.
“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde